I've struggled a lot with my faith and spirituality throughout this infertility journey. I had so many questions and none of them were answered. Over nine years of infertility, a failed adoption, and several thousand dollars later, we were left with nothing. Or, at least not the answer I wanted. I've been a devout Christian my whole life and I couldn't wrap my brain around why/how God could let this happen. All I wanted was for Kate to get pregnant and for me to become a father.
You would think that after more than nine years of trying to get pregnant, I would have the patience of a saint. I know that God is not some genie in a magic lamp here to grant me wishes. He has been so wonderful and generous in blessing me in my life. I am so lucky and blessed for all that He's given me.
I have come to realize that God has allowed us to go through these trials so that we may glorify Him, either through strengthening our faith in Him or serving as a positive resource for other couples struggling with similar issues. While I am still somewhat impatient, I have never lost my faith in God and put my full trust in Him as we go forward with the IVF procedure. Whatever the outcome, I know that God has us in His hands.
I, too, have been a devout Christian my whole life and I wonder "Why?" I'm infertile. I see teenagers having babies they don't want but I couldn't have one, even though we desperately want kids and we'd raise them in a good Christian home?
ReplyDeleteBut there's tons of infertility in the Bible! Sarah, before Isaac. Hannah, before Samuel. Elizabeth, before John. Those women all had babies when the time was right. Even Mary, as an unwed virgin mother, had a baby when it was God's time.
I've always wondered about Aquila and Priscilla, Paul's tent-making friends. It's never mentioned "Aquila and Priscilla and their family," just Aquila and Priscilla. But they did good work, helping Paul.
I realize this is trite and cliche and not very helpful, but infertility isn't a new concept and faithful followers of God frequently struggle with wanting children.