This appetite suppressant has been wonderful so far. Like I said in my last blog, it is basically legal speed. I wake up with crazy amounts of energy and stay energized all day. I have been getting so much accomplished. It definitely works to suppress my appetite. I have been eating about half of what I would normally eat.
I have been referring to myself as the Tazmanian Devil. I woke up yesterday and did two loads of laundry, grocery shopped, and cleaned the house before 9 am. I don't have that mid-afternoon slump that I normally have at work. I want to keep moving constantly. It feels good to be finished with the lethargic lifestyle and ridiculous eating I was doing before.
In other news...we have a fantastic summer planned. We have several trips coming up. We have something fun planned almost every weekend from now through August. We both feel great emotionally and physically right now. We are hoping to pack this summer with fun and amazing experiences before hopefully getting pregnant in the fall or winter (fingers crossed). Take care!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Today's Appointment
So, I went in to Fertility Partnership today for a pap smear (sorry...TMI). As always, I loved seeing the FP staff. Nicole and Shawnie were both so welcoming. We were able to catch up a bit while I waited for Dr. S. They were both so sweet and encouraging, as always. I teared up a bit when Shawnie talked about our little snow babies. She said they are taking good care of them until my body is ready.
Anyway, I went back into the room to put on the ever so small "vest" (open in front). This vest was not made for a blessed woman such as myself. I spent the time time waiting for Dr. Simckes pulling and tucking and trying to cover up. My attempts were in vain. Anyway...I digress. Dr. Simckes came in and asked what I was doing there. I told him I wanted to get off this Megestrol because of the awful side effects. He said bluntly that I was not going to get off the Megestrol earlier than expected. Oh...ok. Well, that sucks. He said that even if the pre-cancerous cells are gone, we can't stop the medication early because the cells could come back. He also said that we need to do another D&C to really biopsy the tissue to make sure the cells are gone.
We talked about the fact that I eat constantly and that I have gained TWELVE POUNDS (yes, TWELVE) in less than two months. UGH! The constant eating of junk food makes me feel complete lethargic. So, he said he would put me on an appetite suppressant (basically speed). Nicole told me I might "forget to eat" on this medicine. This made me laugh because I have pretty much never skipped a meal. Anyway, I'm going to try it and see how I feel.
So, how do I feel about this? I was disappointed, of course. I was praying all week and all the way to the appointment. I just wanted him to call me in a day or two to say that the pre-cancerous cells were gone and that I could stop taking the medicine. I also allowed myself to feel that old familiar "feel sorry for myself" kind of feeling that I allow to creep into my heart every now and again. I was longing to just have a reason to have some hope. I want to be working toward something. I mean ACTIVELY working toward something. I realize that taking my 9 or 10 medicined each day are a way for me to be working toward the ultimate goal. But, it doesn't feel active to me. Honestly, I'm just disappointed at where we are at this point.
My husband tried to put it into perspective. He said that my biggest worry right now is the increased appetite. He said that this new medication will hopefully remedy that problem and suppress my appetite. However, the Megestrol will still keep working to hopefully zap those cells and keep me healthy. I, of course, want a timeline. I need a plan. I want a better idea of our future. I should know by now that it just doesn't work that way.
Thank you for listening!
Anyway, I went back into the room to put on the ever so small "vest" (open in front). This vest was not made for a blessed woman such as myself. I spent the time time waiting for Dr. Simckes pulling and tucking and trying to cover up. My attempts were in vain. Anyway...I digress. Dr. Simckes came in and asked what I was doing there. I told him I wanted to get off this Megestrol because of the awful side effects. He said bluntly that I was not going to get off the Megestrol earlier than expected. Oh...ok. Well, that sucks. He said that even if the pre-cancerous cells are gone, we can't stop the medication early because the cells could come back. He also said that we need to do another D&C to really biopsy the tissue to make sure the cells are gone.
We talked about the fact that I eat constantly and that I have gained TWELVE POUNDS (yes, TWELVE) in less than two months. UGH! The constant eating of junk food makes me feel complete lethargic. So, he said he would put me on an appetite suppressant (basically speed). Nicole told me I might "forget to eat" on this medicine. This made me laugh because I have pretty much never skipped a meal. Anyway, I'm going to try it and see how I feel.
So, how do I feel about this? I was disappointed, of course. I was praying all week and all the way to the appointment. I just wanted him to call me in a day or two to say that the pre-cancerous cells were gone and that I could stop taking the medicine. I also allowed myself to feel that old familiar "feel sorry for myself" kind of feeling that I allow to creep into my heart every now and again. I was longing to just have a reason to have some hope. I want to be working toward something. I mean ACTIVELY working toward something. I realize that taking my 9 or 10 medicined each day are a way for me to be working toward the ultimate goal. But, it doesn't feel active to me. Honestly, I'm just disappointed at where we are at this point.
My husband tried to put it into perspective. He said that my biggest worry right now is the increased appetite. He said that this new medication will hopefully remedy that problem and suppress my appetite. However, the Megestrol will still keep working to hopefully zap those cells and keep me healthy. I, of course, want a timeline. I need a plan. I want a better idea of our future. I should know by now that it just doesn't work that way.
Thank you for listening!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day and Health Update
Health Update
I am still on the high level dose of progesterone. I have been so upset with myself lately because I have been eating so much and I've gained a lot of weight. I found out that the medication I am on is given to HIV patients and Stage 4/5 cancer patients who are unable to eat. It increases their appetites and helps them to gain weight. So, I am thankful that I am not just going crazy and eating for no reason. I hope I can get control over it soon.
I called the Dr's office and told them that I couldn't handle this medication. I am tired all the time. I eat like I'm 8 months pregnant. I have been bleeding for almost three weeks (sorry for the tmi). So, I have a test scheduled for May 17th to track the progress of those pre-cancerous cells. I am feverishly praying that they are gone. I would love to stop the medicine soon. We won't move forward with FET for a while, but I would be happy to end this medication as soon as possible.
Mother's Day
So, today was Mother's Day. I had a great day with my family. However, this was the first time in all of the years since we have been ttc that I was really sad on Mother's Day. I woke up this morning missing the two boys we lost in a failed adoption. I couldn't stop thinking about how far I would have been along in my pregnancy had the IVF in January worked. I kept thinking about our two little babies who didn't make it through the IVF procedure. I kept thinking about the fact that EVERY YEAR I tell myself that it will be my last Mother's Day without a child. I truly convince myself of that each year and it just isn't true. I couldn't allow myself to think it this morning. I am not convinced that this is my last Mother's Day without a child. At this point, I feel like I'll always be the childless mother on Mother's Day.
I went to dinner with some friends tonight. At the end of the meal, the server said he had a special gift for me and my friend. He knows I don't have children. We go there with our friends all the time (almost weekly) and they always have their two-year-old son with them. He brought us each a dessert and t-shirt and said, "Happy Mother's Day." I thought about correcting him. I almost said, "I'm not a mother." Then I decided that I would happily accept this gift today. I am a mother. I am childless, but I have the heart of a mother.
I'm not sure what else to say. I'm hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling a little less empty.
I am still on the high level dose of progesterone. I have been so upset with myself lately because I have been eating so much and I've gained a lot of weight. I found out that the medication I am on is given to HIV patients and Stage 4/5 cancer patients who are unable to eat. It increases their appetites and helps them to gain weight. So, I am thankful that I am not just going crazy and eating for no reason. I hope I can get control over it soon.
I called the Dr's office and told them that I couldn't handle this medication. I am tired all the time. I eat like I'm 8 months pregnant. I have been bleeding for almost three weeks (sorry for the tmi). So, I have a test scheduled for May 17th to track the progress of those pre-cancerous cells. I am feverishly praying that they are gone. I would love to stop the medicine soon. We won't move forward with FET for a while, but I would be happy to end this medication as soon as possible.
Mother's Day
So, today was Mother's Day. I had a great day with my family. However, this was the first time in all of the years since we have been ttc that I was really sad on Mother's Day. I woke up this morning missing the two boys we lost in a failed adoption. I couldn't stop thinking about how far I would have been along in my pregnancy had the IVF in January worked. I kept thinking about our two little babies who didn't make it through the IVF procedure. I kept thinking about the fact that EVERY YEAR I tell myself that it will be my last Mother's Day without a child. I truly convince myself of that each year and it just isn't true. I couldn't allow myself to think it this morning. I am not convinced that this is my last Mother's Day without a child. At this point, I feel like I'll always be the childless mother on Mother's Day.
I went to dinner with some friends tonight. At the end of the meal, the server said he had a special gift for me and my friend. He knows I don't have children. We go there with our friends all the time (almost weekly) and they always have their two-year-old son with them. He brought us each a dessert and t-shirt and said, "Happy Mother's Day." I thought about correcting him. I almost said, "I'm not a mother." Then I decided that I would happily accept this gift today. I am a mother. I am childless, but I have the heart of a mother.
I'm not sure what else to say. I'm hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling a little less empty.
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