Dude...that sucked!

So, I went in for a biopsy today to see if those pre-cancerous cells are gone.  Reminder: I started taking a mega-dose of progesterone over four months ago.  It's a terrible medication and I want to get off it.  So, I went in for the biopsy and thought it would be fairly routine.  Here are the things that went wrong:

1. The doctor stopped taking my insurance.  This isn't a HUGE problem because we are cash pay on everything fertility related.  It is a problem for biopsies, D&C's, etc.  So, if we need a D&C before the frozen embryo transfer (or God-forbid after), it will be a little expensive.  They did say that they may be able to refer us to someone who takes our insurance for those types of things. 
2. The doctor was explaining my pre-cancerous cells to a new nurse.  He said something along the lines of, "These cells can be in five different stages.  One is four steps away from cancer.  One is three steps away from cancer, and so on..."  Then he said, "Hers are one stage away from cancer."  Ummmm....that's not cool.  I'm a little nervous about what this means for my future.  I'm not the type of person to just sit and dwell on the "what-ifs".  I do want to make sure we keep a close eye on things.
3. The biopsy hurt like hell.  I'm not sure if I'm just losing my edge or what.  I used to never have any problems with pain.  I have had crazy menstrual cramps since I was 9 years old.  I have learned to deal with pain.  All of a sudden, I turn into a baby at the doctor's office lately.  Anyway, it was awful and I felt sick afterward and I wanted to go home with a heating pad (and maybe a glass of wine).  Alas, I returned to work.
4. I'm getting that old familiar anxious/exhausted feeling already.  I realize that anxiety and exhaustion are basically opposites, but that's the only way for me to describe it.  I get anxious about what is to come.  I worry about how I will feel during and after the FET.  I worry about the entire process and the outcome.  I get immediately exhausted thinking about next steps.  I have had a fantastic summer and I have felt wonderful for months.  Now I feel as though I am sinking back into my infertile alter-ego. 

Ok, so what went right:

1. I lost another pound since my last visit.  I was actually worried that I had gained weight because of my recent eating habits.  I'll take a one pound loss!
2. Doc said we should be able to move forward with FET in the fall or winter.  We are thinking about holding off a bit so that I can try to lose a little more weight.  Doc didn't say that wasn't necessary, but I know I would feel better and it would be better for our snow babies.
3. I got to talk to my awesome nurse, Shawnie.  She rocks!
4. I got a Diet Cherry-Coke from Steak-n-Shake on the way back to work.  So...that's something!

Thanks to everyone for your prayers.  As of right now, I just want to crawl into bed and sleep off these feelings.  Tomorrow is a new day and I pray for a renewed sense of hope. 

Just a little update...

Hey guys!
I just wanted to give a quick update.  I have been on the appetite suppressant for 9 weeks and I have lost 8 lbs so far.  I feel much better and I have a great deal of energy.  I go back to the doctor in early August for another weight check.  At that point, I think I'll see if we can set a date to stop taking the progesterone.  I still want to give myself some time to hopefully lose some more weight.  I want to be as healthy as possible before the embryo transfer. 

We are having a fantastic summer.  We just got back from vacation and we have packed our summer full of fun.  I think we are secretly hoping to get in all of the things we want to try to do before the FET.  We are having an absolute blast and enjoying lots of time with family and friends.  Overall, I feel great.  I feel healthier and happier than I was when we were in the midst of our January cycle.  I really want to hold on to this optimism and energy throughout the FET.  I think it's going to take me a few months to really get to a place where I can feel comfortable moving forward. 

As of right now, life is good.  It makes me wonder sometimes if we should move forward or if we should just be happy with the blessings we have been given.  I just can't handle the thought of our little snow babies sitting in the lab though.  Anyway, I'm just thankful for this much-needed summer and the fun that comes with it.  I'll send another update soon!